General Friedrich Wilhelm Augustin Ludolf Gerhard von Steuben , a German who took over training for our losing forces in the American Revolution until he raised their performance so that they could actually win, would not be allowed to serve in today's army. He was gay.
Gay?! Our revolution was successful because of a gay guy?!!@! Shit, howdy, we can't get behind that. We must renounce the revolution and pledge our alegiance to the King of England!
Wait! The King's dead??? OMG! Then we must pledge our allegiance to the Queen. WAIT A MINUTE!!! "Queen"?! THAT sounds gay!!! Double OMG - we're damned if we do and damned if we don't. Between a rock and hard place. "Hard place"?!! Sounds gay.... OMG....