How to Draw Readers Into Your Story

StoryWeavingWriting Tips Newsletter

Issue 76

How to Draw Your Readers into Your Story

By Teresa Darnold

Have you ever read a story that pulls you right into it without you even noticing? This doesn’t happen by accident. Rather, some very specific methods are employed.

Read the following story segment, see if it pulls you in, and then I’ll describe all the techniques I used to craft it.

“When somebody's "fixin'" to do something,
it won't be long.”

“Go outside and tell your brother that I won’t be long…” Kate knew that tone of voice; her dad was impatient at having been interrupted while doing something he felt to be important – whatever that might be at that moment. This time, he had worked an all-nighter at the plant, got home late, and was trying to unwind a bit before he had to take his son to the game. Trouble was, he was making everyone late in the process of waitin’ for him to unwind.

Kate went outside. She knew her brother wouldn’t like the answer; he was more impatient sometimes than a cow that needed milkin’, but such was the way of her family. She went around to the back of the pickup where her brother was waitin’.

Her Brother spoke first: ‘Well?’

Kate: “Said he’s fixin’ to be out and take you, by and by.”

Her brother looked up at the sky. It was an unruly palate of greys, cold and dark like the weathered steel of an old rifle, or the dark look of the pond out back behind the house.

“It’s fixin’ to rain.” He said simply.

Kate looked up and saw that he was right; if they were going to go, it should be soon. She climbed up into the bed of the old pickup and sat down next to her brother. The wooden boards were cool while the steel bands between were hot. It was hard to find a place to sit where the metal didn’t feel like it was burning her legs. Giving up, she stood up and just leaned against the trucks cab: “He’ll be here soon enough.” She paused, not for effect, more because she knew her brother was upset, and in a mood like that – he’d be more quick to anger than most times. Calmly, she just repeated herself: “He’s fixin’ to take you soon, I’m sure of it.”

About that same moment, just as soon as she finished talkin’, a single large raindrop hit a wooden board between them with a loud slapping sound.

Her brother looked at the water stain on the wood, looked up at her, looked up at the sky; pausing - each time for just a moment before changing the focus of his gaze. He spoke with a slight sad tone to his voice, and just repeated himself: "It's STILL fixin' to rain."

How did I write that?

Right from the get-go, before I press a key and apply an electron to my screen, I start to consider in my mind the kinds of people, places, and things that I know most readers will be able to relate to right away. I know that if my readers can personally relate to my story elements (possibly having experienced them – or even only some of them) that they will connect with my story through their own lives. That’s the key I feel – involving your audience with your story in such a way that they can see the images you create through their own memories.

In the preceding story scene, I decided to use a family situation. The reason is obvious – most people have one - simple. But what of people who may have lost a family member? (t’s possible to lose some readers if they can’t personally relate to your story.) Well, an easy solution is to then write the story from a youthful perspective – a youthful POV. More folks are going to have their parents still around when they’re young than old, and justly so, will be able to relate more to your story then if you write from the point of view of a youth.

In the above story, I chose to start on a conversation between family members. For a short story, it’s the fastest way to establish some of a person’s personality and some personal information for a couple or more of story characters. You also get to use an already defined character interrelationship structure – an already established family group. Dad is the top dog usually – but it could be any adult family member that is used in this role. Siblings that are close in age have a tendency to be considered equals by adults. This is useful in that conversations between similarly aged siblings are usually one of equality. If a sibling is old enough to have acted in the role of babysitter to a younger sibling, those siblings will not have an equal relationship because the older sibling has had to take a parental role over the younger sibling, so conversations between siblings of large age differences usually defer to the older sibling just as they do for a family adult.

Another convenient quality about using family members or close friends in your story is that people who are close to one another have a tendency to speak in partial sentences with one another. Families and friends develop ,over time, subtle ways of communicating that includes an intrinsic awareness of the other persons personality and habits. I used this quality several times in the story. For example:

“Go outside and tell your brother that I won’t be long…”

“Her Brother spoke first: ‘Well?’”

“Kate: “Said he’s fixin’ to be out and take you, by and by.””

“It’s fixin’ to rain.” He said simply.”

“Calmly, she just repeated herself: “He’s fixin’ to take you soon, I’m sure of it.””

“He spoke with a slight sad tone to his voice, and just repeated himself: "It's STILL fixin' to rain."”

This is all the conversation there is in the story. You’ll note that the conversation alone can carry the story, even without all of the added descriptions I included. That’s because - in this case - the contents of the conversation are the story. That’s very important to note, because that means that the conversation also casts the direction the story will go. The conversation is like a divining rod, leading you onward toward where the water is to dig your well. Just so, the character’s verbal conversation directs the pace and focus of the story. If the story is first person and you’re just reading the characters thoughts, then in that case it’s the thoughts that disclose the direction the story takes.

The manner of speech used in the conversations is also character defined. The first sentence is from the father character. It’s authoritative, it’s an order, and it’s also the only formal manner of speech used. The remaining sentences spoken by the children are filled with local colloquialisms. This was done intentionally as this tends to mirror real life.

The second sentence is a demand, verging on being an order. The daughter’s reply is one of ignoring the manner her brother spoke to her. It’s a feminine, passive method of reestablishing a conversation of equality. She’s also the one who is empowered as she has information he desires. That’s why I made his second sentence to be passive also – because she had established that he wasn’t in charge.

The last two sentences were designed to express a subtle hint of mood. The fifth sentence from the girl is meant to express a subtle change in temperament. It’s designed to be more supportive and hopeful. The girl is trying to put a positive spin on what her father said. The sixth sentence was one of resignation. He repeats himself just as his sister did – his way of showing equality. But by pointing out that the weather wasn’t going to wait for his father, he was pointing out his father’s error in his decision – just as any adolescent boy does about parental decisions.

Now, let’s look at the first paragraph:

“Go outside and tell your brother that I won’t be long…” Kate knew that tone of voice; her dad was impatient at having been interrupted while doing something he felt to be important – whatever that might be at that moment. This time, he had worked an all-nighter at the plant, got home late, and was trying to unwind a bit before he had to take his son to the game. Trouble was, he was making everyone late in the process of waitin’ for him to unwind.

In this paragraph, I establish a lot about the history and mood of the father. As in real life – the spoken word is not just the words – it’s the manner with which something is spoken that conveys as much meaning as the words themselves. That’s why I use the opportunity that a spoken conversation in my story brings, to explain the manner of conversation that you would have understood had you ‘heard’ the words, and not read them. But knowing how a person speaks often isn’t enough for your audience; they often want to know more. So if a character has an extreme mood of some kind, giving a reason for that mood often helps to carry story information and to give life to the character. In this instance, you learned that the father is a man of at least two children, that he works long hours at some kind of a large company/plant that tires him out, but he still tries to do things for his children, even when he is tired and had to work overtime.

I also used a technique that is very subtle, and this is to morph a conversation into a thought in the mind of another character. I can do this by using the daughter’s thoughts to define the manner and mood that the father used to speak. It’s her mind that tells you the father’s mood. She then tells you the reason for her father’s mood – and is the source for giving information about the father to the audience. I then close the paragraph by completing the daughter’s mind thought by using a colloquialism that her father didn’t use – thus further defining a wall between the two characters, I show adolescent impatience for her father by the comments the daughter thought, and I show a bit about the character relationship between father and daughter because she didn’t voice her displeasure at waiting for her father, she only thought it.

The next paragraph:

Kate went outside. She knew her brother wouldn’t like the answer; he was more impatient sometimes than a cow that needed milkin’, but such was the way of her family. She went around to the back of the pickup where her brother was waitin’.

This paragraph was used to define the manner of the family’s life. The country colloquialisms used in conjunction with a reference to a cow, milking, and a pickup truck is used to give the impression that the family lives on a farm and specifically that the daughter knows about tending to farm animals, like milking a cow. She also defines a little amount of information about her brother who the audience has yet to meet at this time. By thinking/telling the audience about her brother mood, she then defines the manner and mood of what the brother will say.

The next paragraph:

Her Brother spoke first: ‘Well?’ Kate: “Said he’s fixin’ to be out and take you, by and by.”

See what I mean? When you read the first line by the boy, you already know that his ‘Well?’ is said impatiently. I don’t have to follow what he say’s with an explanation because I already did explain it through the daughter’s previous thoughts. The daughter’s words that follow the son’s impatient ‘Well?’ don’t have to be mood defined because they were already mood defined when she showed her impatience with her father through her thoughts in the first paragraph.

If I were to have written: “Her Brother spoke first: ‘Well?’ he said impatiently." That sentence description would have appeared to be more simple, less professional, less creative and frankly – more ham-handed. Your audience doesn’t want to be outright told how a person is feeling, that makes a story seem less like a story and more like stereo instructions - seriously. They want to know how a person is feeling because they’re in your story – not reading it.

Her brother looked up at the sky. It was an unruly palate of greys, cold and dark like the weathered steel of an old rifle, or the dark look of the pond out back behind the house. “It’s fixin’ to rain.” He said simply.

This is conversation break is an opportunity to set up a reason for the son’s impatience; it’s about to start raining. I begin by defining the look of the sky which I have the boy do. I often use what I call ‘Flowery Words’ when I write my descriptions, because it often adds a bit of a ‘high-brow’ quality to my work (Sorry, but it’s true), and it is seen as more descriptive. I might write that: “The sky had a translucent azure quality to it”, rather than “The sky was dark blue and hazy”. See – the first one just reads better. But, if I’m writing a story that is to take place on a farm, I can’t use descriptive words that are out of place on a farm because it would take away from my stories realistic quality I’m trying to create in the mind of my audience. So I used descriptions that were based on things one might find on a farm – a cold pond - -the grey colour of the steel of a rifle-. If I were to go further with it, I might describe the sky as like the colour and appearance of weather worn grey wood, such as could be found on the old barn doors out back of the house. See?

I then made the whole concept of idea that it’s about to rain by having the son verbally make the declaration about pending rain. How this will affect the game they are about to go to is unclear. Perhaps the son is using the weather as an excuse for his impatience, or maybe he’s genuinely worried about the weather and the drive there. Like in real life, you can’t know every motivation a character has for being the way they are. You’re character looses the ability to surprise your audience if you overly define them. Besides, your audience will fill in any small holes you leave in your character’s personality.

Kate looked up and saw that he was right; if they were going to go, it should be soon. She climbed up into the bed of the old pickup and sat down next to her brother. The wooden boards were cool while the steel bands between were hot. It was hard to find a place to sit where the metal didn’t feel like it was burning her legs. Giving up, she stood up and just leaned against the trucks cab: “He’ll be here soon enough.” She paused, not for effect, more because she knew her brother was upset, and in a mood like that – he’d be more quick to anger than most times. Calmly, she just repeated herself: “He’s fixin’ to take you soon, I’m sure of it.”

I had mentioned the pick-up truck, so it’s a story element – however inconsequential. But I often use an inconsequential story element to further other story elements, like character personalities or elaborating further on environmental conditions for example. I remember from my childhood that the old pick-up trucks often had both wooden boards and metal strips in the truck-bed. And likewise – I remember when sitting in such a truck in the bed, that it was difficult to try to position yourself so that your legs were only on the wood. The metal bands really would feel like red hot metal on my young little legs. Because I want more people to relate to my story, made the truck old. I want people my age to think back to their childhood and relate to the old days on a farm in a nostalgic manner, while at the same time I want younger people to relate to the story and just think that the family has an old truck. Until I define the actual year later in the story – assuming I do that – I use this method to grab as big an audience as I can. Remember, you want to not loose too many people along the way of reading your story because they got bored with it part way through.

Why did I have her stand up? Because the truck bed was hot – obvious right? But why have her stand? Why not write a bale of hay in the truck bed for her to climb in and sit on? Because the boy would have already been sitting on it and the daughter would have had to stand anyway. Plus they may not have seen the rain drop as it would have hit the hay or the truck bed where the boy wouldn’t have likely seen it. I try to keep the characters in my stories consistent in behaviour and temperament with every change or alteration. Anyone who is familiar with siblings is going to know that without a parent around, the boy is absolutely not going to give up the hay bale for his sister to sit on so he can stand, and neither one of them is going to want to sit next close to the other one.

Adding too many story elements can overly complicate the story – lengthening it unnecessarily. There’s no need to bog down your story with too much incidental info when it’s still in the character and story development phase.

Next, once again we’re given a view into the mind of the daughter:

She paused, not for effect, more because she knew her brother was upset, and in a mood like that – he’d be more quick to anger than most times.

This has happened twice now, and the story is now being defined by this second thought narrative sequence. Because of this second thought narrative, Kate is becoming defined as the central character in the story. Now, I know this doesn’t come across immediately as a thought narrative. It shouldn’t, it’s designed not to look like one. By writing a description of what a character is doing physically, you can then segue into their thoughts behind those physical actions, and now you can write in the central characters mind narrative. It’s a subtle trick, like a slight of hand that a magician does – only you’re misdirecting your audiences attention so they don’t see how your redirecting them into the mind of the character. You can see that this is done because you can also see how I altered the language just a touch – going from the normal language an author uses - to the kind of colloquial language that the two children use with each other. The division line is where the line is to pause the audience, between the words “that’ and “he’d”.

See – an obvious manner of disclosing something that a character thinks would be to write something like this:

Her brother was upset, and in a mood like that – he’d be more quick to anger than most times: She Thought

This is another example of where we the author once again tell the audience something. Again – ham-handed…bad.

When the daughter comments after her thoughts:

Calmly, she just repeated herself: “He’s fixin’ to take you soon, I’m sure of it.”
She’s reinforcing her previous thought by putting into action a manner of talking that many people would use to calm someone down that’s agitated. Once again you’re already given the information about why she’s talking the way she is through your already having read the main character’s thoughts.

Bringing my audience back to the matter at hand, the need to go to this game;

About that same moment, just as soon as she finished talkin’, a single large raindrop hit a wooden board between them with a loud slapping sound.

I emphasize the point the boy made by making his pronouncement of rain correct. Now – from his personal point of view - He’s right – they waited too long. And since we’re focusing on the children and their point of view, we then presume that even though good ‘Ol dad is really tired, he should have just gotten into the truck and driven his son to the game. Had I made the raindrop small, it wouldn’t have emphasized the point that he was correct as much, and I couldn’t have written as definitive a comment by the boy later on when he repeats his comment about the rain coming.

Her brother looked at the water stain on the wood, looked up at her, looked up at the sky; pausing - each time for just a moment before changing the focus of his gaze. He spoke with a slight sad tone to his voice, and just repeated himself: "It's STILL fixin' to rain."

In this story example, I start off emphasizing that the daughter is the main character by referring to her brother as only ‘Her Brother’. He doesn’t even have a name yet. For a story like what I’ve written for this creative writing lesson, it’s unnecessary ancillary information that only serves to get in the way and muddy the waters so to speak. If the story were written to be longer, or if her brothers name were necessary – it would have been included. The point is – if a character doesn’t need a name – don’t give it one.

I have her brother, the secondary character, go through the motions of looking around as a means of extending out the scene enough to give a length of time pause. In other words, I want the audience to wait a moment before they read the next line that is uttered by the secondary character. In real life – we often give a pause conversationally to make a point. Just so, this is often done in creative story writing. The difference is in talking, when we give pause to emphasize something – we really do pause. In a story, we have to have the scene progress visually in the eyes of the minds of the audience by writing visual descriptions, before we present them with the words that are spoken by the secondary character.

Now we’ve reached the end of the story segment. You’ve seen how what at first appears to be a simple scene that flows along naturally is actually a heavily crafted construction very specifically designed to create the impact it has.

Writing is often thought of as nothing more than letting the words flow passionately onto the page. Some writers are so naturally gifted that this happens all by itself. But for the rest of us, learning the techniques of story-crafting enables us to achieve the very same result.